


If You Catch My Meaning

by one_more_offbeat_anthem



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Does Not Understand (Supernatural), Castiel Does Not Understand Humans (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, First Kiss, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:20:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25954357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_more_offbeat_anthem/pseuds/one_more_offbeat_anthem
Summary: Cas is himself and misunderstands a lot of human phrases, especially the ones that Dean uses……extra-especially when Dean refers to inanimate objects as sexy. Hilarity (and fluff) ensue. Your classic case of Cas just…not always knowing what’s going on.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 82





	If You Catch My Meaning

**Author's Note:**

> saw a Tumblr post about weird phrases human use. decided to take advantage of cas being, in all honesty, incredibly relatable and write a silly fic.

They’ve been fighting off demons, but the main event, a witch, should be coming any second now. The only problem? The room has four doors—she could enter from any side. Cas has more awareness with his angelic senses, but even so, he can see Dean trying to watch for both himself and Sam.

Suddenly, there’s a movement, and both Dean and Cas whip around—the witch is right in front of Sam.

“Let’s get her ass!” Dean shouts, crossing the room to join his brother.

Later, when they’re back in the Impala, on their way home (home!) from another successful hunt, Dean and Sam congratulate themselves on a hunt well done.

Except, Cas thinks, they didn’t get her ass. So were they actually successful?

*****

Dean is yelling.

Cas can usually, at this point, identify why, at any moment, Dean might be yelling. Today, Dean is making it easier for him by yelling in the garage, which means it’s probably about Baby.

Cas suddenly appears in front of him, “Hello, Dean.”

“Jesus Christ,” Dean stumbles backwards.

“I’m not him, I’m—“

“Cas. I know. It’s a phrase.” Dean turns away from him and towards the Impala.

“What’s wrong?”

“Look!” Dean points at the hood—bird poop. Cas sighs deeply. Nothing makes Dean more upset than bird poop on his Baby.

“We can get it off,” Cas says.

“You are _not_ using your mojo on her. We’ve talked about this.”

“I think we can get it off,” Cas says.

“No ‘we’ about it, buddy. I can take care of it. I’m just—“ Dean stamps his foot, “Frustrated. It’s the principle of the matter.”

Later, Dean is still fuming slightly (he also hit his head in the garage, which might be contributing), so Cas convinces him to go on a walk to clear his head. As soon as they leave the bunker, they see a bird.

“That’s the bitch!” Dean says, pointing.

Cas wonders. It’s a dog, not a bird. But he’s still a little chafed from the ‘Jesus Christ’ jab earlier, so he doesn’t ask.

*****

Dean and Cas are on a solo hunt.

Sam’s doing research or something (Dean wasn’t fully paying attention when Sam told him, which is normal for Dean), and after about thirty minutes, Dean got tired of listening to Cas talk about the propagation of geraniums, so now they’re listening to music on the radio.

Just then, a Led Zeppelin song comes on, and Dean pumps his fist in the air, “Fuck yeah, man!”

“Dean, does that mean—“

Dean turns bright red and briefly takes his eyes off the road to look at Cas, “Please don’t finish that question.”

Cas does not finish the question.

*****

Dean is making coffee.

This is an interesting event on a normal day—Dean is never fully awake enough to properly make it, which is why Cas often tries to wake up first. But today, Cas _did_ try to make coffee first.

The key word is “try.”

For some reason, the coffee maker sort of…ate the grounds?

Dean is staring at the coffee maker, fiddling with it. He mutters to himself, “Why’d you guzzle the grounds, you whore?”

“I didn’t, Dean,” Cas says, frowning.

“I was talking to the coffee maker, Cas."

Cas frowns more.

****

They’re at a random diner, on another hunt. They’ve finished eating, and now Dean has, of course, discovered that the diner has pie—so he’s ordered some.

When the slice arrives, steaming, with a scoop of ice cream, Dean smiles at it, almost tenderly, before pointing at it and going, “Now _that_ is sexy.”

Cas tilts his head in confusion, but Dean, already digging into his pie, doesn’t notice.

A few weeks later, Dean is having a bad day.

To be fair, Dean has a lot of bad days (they all do), but today he won’t stop stomping around the bunker, and he’s run out of things to do on Baby (his usual coping mechanism), and Sam is out of town on a solo hunt…..so now Dean is blaring music in the library with the door locked.

So Cas decides to make Dean a pie.

To be fair, Cas has never made a pie, but he knows a few things. Firstly, he knows Dean well—probably second only to Sam, and Sam has the advantage of being Dean’s brother. Secondly, he’s a cosmic being. _Surely_ he can figure out making a pie. Thirdly, Dean said that pie was “sexy.” Which means it _must_ cheer him up.

About an hour and a half later, Dean runs into the kitchen, coughing. There’s smoke and the smoke detector is going crazy. Cas can’t figure out how to turn it off.

Dean sighs and takes the device from Cas’s hands gently, popping the batteries out. Then he looks at Cas’s face, “Buddy, what happened.”

“Itriedtomakeyouapie,” Cas mumbles

“Cas…..”

Cas sighs, “I tried to make you a pie. To cheer you up. You said a few weeks ago that pie is sexy.”

Cas expects Dean to mad that he’s made a mess, but instead, Dean starts laughing. First it’s almost giggle-like, but then it progresses to a full-on guffaw and Dean has to sit down.

“When—“ Dean pauses to laugh again, “Did I say that?”

“On that one hunt with the two bloodsuckers…”

“That,” Dean smacks his head with one of his palms, “Was a turn of phrase, Cas. You know that sometimes humans use words that mean different things. Like whenever you think I’m calling you Jesus.”

Cas rolls his eyes, “Okay, well, then…what _is_ really sexy? Whatever that word actually means?”

Dean turns a polite shade of pink, similar to when Cas was about to ask about the phrase “fuck yeah, man” in the Impala. He raises an eyebrow at the angel, “Not sure I’m the one to tell you.”

“Oh.”

“I mean,” Dean stammered, “I—ugh. Words.” Then, to Cas’s abject surprise, Dean stands up, crosses to him, and kisses him, grasping his coat’s lapels in the process.

Without exactly _meaning_ to (Cas is starting to understand human impulses), he kisses Dean back, and both of their mouths open slightly, allowing Dean’s tongue to dart across Cas’s lips…

Dean pulls back, “ _That_ is sexy, Cas.”

“I see.”

“And also…” Dean releases his trench coat, “This is.” He gestures at the smoldering wreckage of what was, at one point, a pie.

“Now you’re just confusing me, Dean. I ruined it…how is that….”

“It’s sexy that you tried to make me one, even thought you knew fuck-all about what you were doing. C’mere.” He grabs Cas’s lapels again….

Later, lying in Dean’s bed, Cas thinks he’s finally got a handle on what humans mean when they say “sexy.”


End file.
